I am dignified!

This post has been a long one coming, well coz of the debate of whether to post it or not, but finally, here it is! Feel free to judge…

Just recently my campus launched a Sexual Harassment Bill. It was one of those days, I was sleepy, tired, had classes back to back and did I mention hungry? I get pulled into some meeting that I was not invited to but I was just there coz of the free snacks we would get. So..my friends and I get into the meeting and the topic at hand was the launch of the sexual assault and we were to be the volunteers.Fast forward to when the speaker was talking about what sexual assault means and just how it can happen to any gender and at any time. You know, you are at a party celebrating the end of exams (is it only my campus that celebrates this?) then you get slightly tipsy and someone you know takes advantage of you, yea, that is sexual harassment my fren! I digress…

As this speaker was talking my mind just wondered back to 2014, June to be specific (amazing that i looked back on it exactly two years later) Do you even remember where you were in June 2014? Back to the story, I had just cleared high school the previous year and I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, at least before I joined campus. This friend of mine, just for the sake of his identity lets call him Dute. Oops I just used his real name. Okay lets call him Jay (see, I didn’t even disclose him, did I?)

We were close yaani! Hanging out nini nini, going for coffee, hang outs mostly. You know, typical friendship goals. So when he invited me over to his place at Safari Park Estate it wasn’t odd. I mean we were best friends! again, fast forward to the day  i go visit him. Savai got ready, and left (I forgot to mention that he sent transport money too, eh Sudanese guys!) So I reach  the place and there are many people! if you have a certain fear of crowds you would understand what i mean and considering this particular people live in masses doesn’t make things any better, “khas”(Luhyas would understand) the normal intro and he says we go hang out upstairs and it should’ve been a red flag but i ignored because we were friends and i trusted him sindio?

We enter the room and immediately he uses a bed to close the door! a BED!!He just pushed it across the door again,i assumed its coz he didn’t want his other friends to come interrupt us coz you know, “mafisi”. Gosh was i dumb! so we just talked and laughed about his country and his school(i wont mention it) then he made an advance to me, moving in for a kiss..okay at this point my mind was wondering if he was still drunk or if he’d somewhat lost it! i ignored it and i guess to him it seemed like id not understood what he wanted to do, so what did he do? he made advances again!(he had such bad breath btw) and when i assumed it, he actually got super angry and pushed me to the bed…

So he’s struggling to kiss me, I’m struggling to break free. He bit me and i knew i was done. This man had turned to a monster and he wasn’t my best friend anymore. I know i shouldn’t have gone upstairs with him but i did! deal with it! Back to me, hes bit me and all this time I’m trying to fathom what is happening. Am i dreaming? Or is he joking? I cant push him away because (i couldn’t find the right picture) bot di guy is 6’5 and plays rugby and me your ghel is jus 5’3 ooh(Nigerian accent) so its Savai pushing, the guy holding me down trying to remove my clothes and kiss me.

I thought the next resort. Tears… and I cried and begged him to stop and tried to tell him of how close we are and i considered him a good friend. Nada! he would hear none of it… then he said:

“i just cant believe I’m not tapping that ass!”

me:

Mind you i could not scream because just as if it was planned, all those people left! and if you went to safari park estate in 2014 you’d know that houses were far apart plus we all know the judgemental people who wouldn’t dare help because i took myself. i never felt more betrayed in my life.

Me (amid sobs): i thought we were friends, we’ve been for many years now!

Him: you know there is no friend of mine i have never slept with.

My frens, that is where i knew i was done! kaput! so this it how it would go, my best friend would be the one to harass me even after knowing that is the one thing i fear the most. After being open about my fears and my joys?

Back to the scene, I’m crying and begging him to stop and finally he says,

sawa basi, toka uende kwenu and just know that chances of us talking again are very slim.

Mentally: okay, wait. whaaat?? boy! i should be the one saying that last part! wait, what did you just say??

So i thank my stars and stand up to leave and he literally gropes my ass! at this point i have no energy, my eyes are beet red from crying, I’m shaking and my heart is like the western tom tom drums( i don’t know why I’ve used the comparison). i have no energy! then, icing on the cake, this guy goes ahead to show me a picture of a Rwandan girl from his school whom hes going to sleep with since I have refused to DO HIM A FAVOR!

*this issa long one oo*

 

No, the guy never apologized one but rather said i brought it upon myself because he noticed over time that i was seducing him! Yea, i know. i cringe at the sight at any Sudanese guy. i know i shouldn’t but i guess that is how the mind is. we forgive but we do not forget.

This answers those who ask why i don’t have best friends or do that crap anymore and also why my body is sensitive… It is because i have been in very unforgiving hands.

But what else can kill a girl who has died so many times before? see, i died when my father died, i died when my “best friend” betrayed me and the many times i have cried because of someone, i have died. So tell me, apart from death itself, what else can kill me?

Feel free to share any advice you would to help me stop this stigma i have with people from Sudan! it is killing me! I know my family will read this for the first time, i am sorry i couldn’t share earlier!

ION: No puns today because they are all dirty! i need to wash them *winks both eyes*

Remember, you are dignified!

Love, Savai.